The reality of “doing it all” is exhausting. Mothers are often so busy taking care of everything and everyone around them that they often forget to take care of the most important person – themselves.
Becoming a mother can sometimes make us feel as though any other meaning or identity we had before is gone. With the demands that our lives place on us, and with the expectations of society, it is easy to lose sight of who we are. As mother it is important that we become self-aware and take the time to care of ourselves both physically and mentally, not only for oneself but for our children.
One women who inspires me as a mother and a writer is co-owner of Bronuts, Meghan Zahari. She’s a donut shop owner by day, writer by night, mother and wife 24/7. Scrolling through her Instagram page and reading her work on Rouge Wood Supply, I am amazed with how she manages to stay sane and get it all done with such a busy schedule.
I exchanged a couple emails with Meghan asking her on her thoughts on self-love and rediscovery as a mother to avoid depression. She says, “The questions you get asked are all about your baby and sometimes about your body, so you’ll have to be bold and stick up for what’s going on inside your head. You’re not a bad mom if you feel sad or crowded. Do what you need to do, cause at the end of the day moms are still humans and we need to look after our physical and emotional needs just like anybody else.”
Despite taking care of your body and mind, as mothers we need to remember not lose ourselves or our identity in motherhood. Meghan shares, “It’s okay for you to have your own identity. It’s actually so good for your kids. I heard it said about motherhood once that martyrs make martyrs and creators make creators. I’ve never forgotten it.”
People have this ideal that being a “good” mother isn’t consistent with having time to yourself. It’s okay to be selfish and do something for your own fulfilment, regardless of what others think. It’s a necessity. Meghan advised my readers, “Don’t let the expectations of culture dictate your feelings about yourself. The fact that you created a human should make you so proud of yourself. Be kind to yourself and look after your needs.”
I still consider myself a “new-mom”, but since day one I have always made sure to have my own identity beyond being “just Blu’s mom”. I made the choice not to let society control me. I don’t see why I should have to give up on my own ambitions and needs just because I am a mother.
Taking care of yourself is part of taking care of your kids. Love yourself enough to not lose yourself, because when you do everyone loses. Your children need you just as much as you need you.