I completely adore my son and love being his mom. However, no matter how hard I work to improve my life I still have to deal with the social stigma associated with being a single mom. I decided after my son was born that I was going to work on myself, my happiness and stop listening to what society or man’s expectations of women and single mothers should be.
The “Slut Shame”
People assume that I am a single mother because I slept around. Personally I was in a five-year relationship with my high school boyfriend, once I became pregnant he realized he wasn’t ready to be a father. I didn’t chose to be a single mother. I wanted a family. Unfortunately, life didn’t work out the way I planned.
I am a very busy 23-year-old women who takes care of her child and makes sure to take care of herself. I am perfectly capable of being a great mother and still enjoy casual dating or sex. Being a busy mother in school, I don’t exactly have the time or energy required to be in a relationship – I also don’t envy relationships these days, this coming from my past two experiences. I’m also not sure I want to introduce my son to any potential new partners. Some people are just not worthy enough to get to know that part of my life. I don’t want to expose my son to anything that may just be temporary, put him in jeopardy or confuse him.
It seems to be a common thought that single moms sleep around looking for attention from males. This frustrates me. I do not value myself any less, or seek any form of attention or replacement father for my son because I am a single mom. If I am in a relationship it is simply because I enjoy my partners company and they make me happy.
The “Single Mom”
It baffles me how some women and men throw around the “you’re a single mom” phrase like it is some insult or a bad thing. It almost as if they assume that because I am a single mom I should be miserable, broke and have no life or aspiration beside raising my child. I am capable of being a great mother and still enjoy having a social, dating or sex life outside the house. If anything, I was in a much worse place and completely unhappy before becoming a mom. Those who think otherwise should probably educate themselves and reconsider what they are saying or how their own mothers would feel hearing something like that.
I try not to let comments get to me. I have become a strong, independent woman for going through what I have. My reason for being a single mom is no one else’s business but my own. I am an awesome person, with an even better kid, anyone who assumes any less is missing out. I am not going to let other people diminish my hard work, I will not allow them to define me, I will not be ashamed of being a single mother.
As women we struggle enough in society, and it is time to put an end to it, we cannot allow other affect our self-esteem and our self-worth. So please before you start making rude comments or assumptions of us try to put yourself in our shoes.